Category: Self Care

I could feel my blood pressure rising. You might wonder if I was about to run a race or perform a medical miracle. All I was doing was sitting at the dining table for lunch with my 4-year-old son. Looking at his sweet face. My eyes staring back at me. All of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe. He had bitten off a large piece of chicken. I was waiting for him to struggle to manage it. It sent me into a familiar spiral, presenting me an image I had been confronted with since he was an infant. Him struggling in front of my very eyes. He did amazing, as usual. And in that moment I realized that I needed help.

No one had told me I needed help up to this point. They could see it but they remained silent. They saw me struggle to leave my bedroom or to wash my hair. I would tell them I hadn’t brushed my teeth in over a week, and honestly, if you know me (a child who had braces, an expander, a retainer, and lover of floss and white strips) this would be the most obvious scream for help. Yet nothing. Nobody knew what to say or what to do.

But today was different. Today I could feel my anxiety clawing to get ahold of my child. And I knew I had to get help. I was 39 when I searched for support. It took me a year to build up the courage to schedule an appointment. It was my 40th birthday present to myself. Speaking of birthday’s, let’s get back to a very important one: my son Ari’s.

I had a beautiful pregnancy. Then came the struggle. Over the first 48 hours I heard him constantly struggle to clear his amniotic fluid. I would freeze up. His dad would grab the suction and get it out. When they told us we could go home I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I felt like my son needed more testing or help.. I didn’t know what, but something felt off.

Over the next 18 months Ari would projective vomit across the room after every meal. He couldn’t sleep laying down. Every visit to his pediatrician’s office ended in tears. “It’s just spit up,” they said. Well, I knew that wasn’t true. My child’s body was violently refusing milk and certain foods. But here I was, trying to airplane an unwanted food into his mouth. At the end of one visit my son’s doctor casually said “You might want to try this local nonprofit, they might have some resources to help.”

I hurried home, went to their website, and all I could see was their beautiful orange “Get Help” button. I clicked on it seemingly 300 times. They had a simple 6 item feeding questionnaire to complete and be able to tell if your child might need help. If you answered affirmatively to 2 of the 6 it directs you to help. I answered affirmatively to all 6 and immediately started crying. My son Ari has pediatric feeding disorder. You might wonder what that is. It’s a child who isn’t eating in an age-appropriate manner. Ari also has EoE (eosinophilic esophagitis) and sensory processing disorder (PFD). He is curious, fast, a born performer, comically inclined and wants to build robots that he can accompany to space one day. I quit my job as an elementary school teacher to take him to therapy and help him find joy in food instead of fear.

It was the beginning of the end for many things for me: my marriage, my first career. But it was also the beginning of a new and amazing experiences.

Ironically, right before I started therapy, I saw a job posting from the same non-profit that I felt had saved me and my son. It was for someone to plan their annual pediatric feeding disorder educational conference. I didn’t tell anyone about it. And then I made it to the third round. I will never forget that phone call and subsequent job offer. They gave me a gift. A gift I will never be able to repay. Planning a pediatric feeding disorder conference for families and professionals is part of my therapy.

I feel like we are all given gifts. Ari was another one. He has taught me that his journey is not mine. I’m just a guide. My anxieties, should not be his. And my therapist likes to remind me I’m not a doctor, a mind reader or a fortune teller. I need those daily reminders. Therapy has taught me to avoid negative thoughts, be independent instead of co-dependent (and yes, this includes how we interact with our children), and to live in my calm, peaceful place.

I finally took my first deep breath two months ago. I could tell it was different. I am not a failure because I couldn’t feed my child. I am a success because of it.

This blog post was submitted by community member Dorothy Watson at mentalwellnesscenter.info. Interested in having your work on our blog? Learn more here.

Taking care of a child with disabilities can be incredibly rewarding, but it’s also incredibly challenging. The weight of responsibility and feeling of being overwhelmed can often lead to burnout for parents and caregivers. These individuals must make self-care an integral part of their plan to prevent burnout. This blog post will provide information and tips on how to create a sustainable self-care plan specifically designed for parents or caregivers of children with disabilities.

Learn To Recognize Triggers

The first step in creating an effective self-care plan is to identify triggers that cause stress, anxiety, or overwhelm. Identifying triggers allows individuals to recognize when they may be headed toward burnout and take steps to avoid it. For example, if going grocery shopping with your child causes high levels of stress, you can look for ways to make the experience easier or find alternatives such as ordering groceries online. Once you have identified your triggers, you can find ways to manage them proactively and prevent burnout from happening in the first place.

Assess Your Fatigue Levels

Caregivers should also become aware of their fatigue levels to create a successful self-care plan. When caring for someone who is on the autism spectrum, energy management becomes even more important as it can be easy to get burned out quickly due to constantly dealing with new challenges and trying different approaches.

Developing awareness around your energy levels will allow you to adjust your self-care plan accordingly when needed and create realistic expectations so that you don’t become overwhelmed by the tasks ahead of you. Sometimes, small changes like reducing clutter and spending more time in nature can be the boost that you need to get through the day. Both have been shown to reduce stress and life moods.

Set A Few Personal Goals

Another important step in creating a sustainable self-care plan is setting realistic personal goals that are achievable within any given timeframe. Goals such as returning to school or finding a new job may seem out of reach at times, but utilizing tools like an online resume builder can be especially helpful in this process.

If you’re not sure where to get started, look for websites that allow you to choose a free professional template and add your own custom touches, such as an eye-catching font. If your goal is to start a business, look for help with forming an LLC for protection; a formation service can handle the paperwork so you can ensure your business receives all the tax benefits that come with it.

Utilize Self-Care Tactics

Once realistic goals have been established, utilizing various self-care strategies is crucial in avoiding burnout while taking care of someone with special needs. Try mindfulness practices like yoga or meditation, spending quality time with friends or family members, taking regular breaks throughout the day, getting enough sleep each night, and engaging in leisure activities that bring joy. These strategies allow individuals caring for someone who is on the autism spectrum time away from their responsibilities while still feeling capable and productive enough themselves.

Take Care of Your Body

When you care for someone else, it is easy to put your own needs lower on the priority list. But that is a big mistake. When you don’t care for your body, you actually become more tired and unmotivated. Instead, take steps to treat your body like it deserves to be treated. Fill your kitchen with healthy snacks, like fruits and nuts, that you can grab instead of something sugar-laden. And make an effort to park farther from your destinations so that you can get in a few more steps. You’ll find yourself feeling better physically and mentally more quickly than you might expect.

These practices will also help your little one to see what it looks like to be healthy. If you struggle getting your child to eat healthy foods, modeling is one great way to help change their perspective on those foods. You can also reach out to Feeding Matters, especially if you feel that your child may have pediatric feeding disorder. They have resources to help you help your child with their eating habits.

Ask For Help When You Need It

Although creating an effective self-care plan is essential when caring for a child with disabilities, it’s also important to seek professional assistance when needed so that burnout doesn’t take over entirely. There are counselors available both online and offline who specialize in helping individuals cope with life transitions associated with taking care of someone who has special needs. Additionally, there may be local support groups available where caregivers can come together and share stories and experiences, and this can help you figure out a care plan.

Consider Everyone’s Needs and Make a Plan

Creating an effective self-care plan as a caregiver for a child with disabilities can take some time, as you’ll need to constantly assess what works and what doesn’t. Consider keeping a journal that will help you vent your frustrations, and look for online resources that will assist with goals like starting an LLC or finding a new job. Try to be patient as you get started and know that once you begin to find strategies that work, the pieces will fall into place.

The views and opinions expressed in this blog post are solely those of the author who submitted it and do not necessarily reflect the views of Feeding Matters. We do not endorse any products or services mentioned in the post, and we are not responsible for any errors or omissions in the content. The information in this post is provided for educational and informational purposes only, and should not be considered as a substitute for professional advice.