Category: Self Care
Navigating postpartum depression and pediatric feeding disorder
Published by Jena Fisher, PhD on May 15, 2024
As a mom of two, I experienced firsthand the profound impact of pediatric feeding disorder (PFD) on a family. When I learned about pediatric feeding disorder and Feeding Matters, my oldest daughter was five. We’d struggled most of her life to feed her, and I’d been begging clinicians to take me seriously. Receiving a diagnosis of gastroparesis and finding a community of support gave us a path forward.
But the journey to get there was fraught with uncertainty and paved by social and family pressure that made me feel like my child’s inability to eat normally was my fault.
These challenges are especially difficult postpartum. A new baby is supposed to do two things: sleep and eat. When your baby doesn’t do either, the amount of stress you experience is alarming. That, combined with postpartum hormones and exhaustion, creates fertile ground for postpartum anxiety (PPA) and postpartum depression (PPD).
In my decades of working as a clinical psychologist with a specialty in primary care, I’ve worked with many women experiencing PPA and PPD. It’s no surprise because numerous studies show medical trauma can contribute to PPD.
The correlation between pediatric feeding disorder and postpartum depression
Most parents of newborns who struggle to eat have never heard of pediatric feeding disorder. Because the ICD-10 code is new, many clinicians don’t diagnose it either. Babies who aren’t gaining enough weight can be labeled as “failure to thrive,” a vague catch-all diagnosis. Even that diagnosis takes time. Meanwhile, new parents feel at fault for their child’s struggle.
Babies who don’t eat well often don’t sleep well either. For me, this led to a bout with postpartum anxiety, a condition that’s not as well known as PPD. PPA is excessive worrying after having a baby that takes over your thoughts. Some anxiety after becoming a new parent is normal. When it disrupts your ability to function, it’s time to get help. Studies show that between 11% and 21% of new moms get PPA, so know that it’s normal and can be treated.
Experiencing this myself as a new mom of a child with PFD changed the way I understood my clients. As I navigated through my professional career, it became increasingly clear how having a child who doesn’t eat normally can precipitate a mental health crisis in parents, particularly in the vulnerable postpartum period.
PPD is characterized by persistent sadness and exhaustion so profound that it interferes with daily functioning. Unlike the transient “baby blues,” PPD is a deeper, more enduring state that demands attention and care.
PPD and PPA most commonly occur within six weeks after childbirth in about 6.5% to 20% of women, but it can occur at any point in the baby’s first year. Unlike the more common “baby blues,” PPD has a longer duration and is crippling. In many cases, PPD is triggered by a real or perceived trauma during delivery or postpartum, such as a difficult labor, a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) or difficulty feeding a new baby.
The relentless pursuit of a solution for PFD, coupled with sleepless nights and the constant worry about your child’s health, is a breeding ground for depression. The depth of this correlation became apparent during my time working closely with families in primary care and OB settings. Parents grappling with their child’s feeding issues often expressed feelings of failure, guilt and isolation — emotions that make PPD more likely.
Recognizing the signs of PPD in the context of PFD
There are two cognitive distortions that are common among parents of children with medical trauma.
- Emotional reasoning: The more strongly you feel in emotion, the more it convinces you the thought is true. For example, the more anxious or sad you feel, the more you become convinced that everything is your fault.
- I should: This is where you tell yourself you should be doing better, your baby should be eating, you should be happy or you shouldn’t be sad.
Both cognitive distortions are valid human emotions, so to make yourself feel bad for having these feelings is not fair. These emotions make sense when your body or your child’s body is experiencing trauma. Your brain is doing what it should do, which is saying this doesn’t feel good.
When these feelings become constant and debilitating, this might be PPA or PPD. Symptoms may include:
Persistent sadness
Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
Feelings of worthlessness and overwhelm
Excessive worry about your child’s well-being
Heart palpitations
Crying spells
Loss of appetite
Trouble sleeping
Sudden mood changes
Lack of interest in or thoughts of hurting your baby
Many new parents feel this way occasionally. Feeling this way persistently likely means you’re dealing with more than just the stress of parenting. This recognition is the first step toward seeking help.
Coping mechanisms for parents of children with PFD
Navigating PFD and PPD takes time and requires support from others –– including getting professional help or joining support groups. Finding a supportive community, whether online or in-person, can alleviate isolation.
For parents facing PPD and PFD, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy can offer a space to process emotions and develop coping strategies, while support groups provide a sense of community and understanding.
When your partner or loved one is struggling, allowing a safe space to vent without offering solutions can be the most important way to be supportive. Your loved one might just need to vent and have you validate those feelings.
Experiencing postpartum depression while parenting a child with pediatric feeding disorder exponentially complicates an already difficult journey. Knowing that so many others have a similar experience brings a small measure of healing.
Seek support from a licensed therapist in your area or over telehealth, practice self-compassion and connect with others at Feeding Matters who understand your struggle. You are not alone, and with the right support, you and your family can face these challenges.
Jena Fisher, PhD is a parent mentor with Feeding Matters and the creator and administrator of an online international support group, Beyond Picky Chickies. She’s the senior executive director of Clinical Services and Innovation for the Adult Behavioral Health division of Merakey and previously worked as director of Integrated Behavioral Health with the Philadelphia Department of Public Health. She earned her doctorate in clinical psychology at the University of Virginia and completed a postdoctoral fellowship in integrated care and behavioral medicine at Cherokee Health Systems. She’s the mother to two children.
Self-care tips: Advice from a psychologist specifically for parents of children with PFD
Published by Rose Phillips, MA, LMFT on
Therapy sessions, physician visits and feedings that suck up every minute of your day leave parents of children with pediatric feeding disorder (PFD) little time for self-care.
While a walk, massage or yoga class can do wonders for stressed parents, they can also feel like a burden when you don’t have time or energy.
The truth is that self-care doesn’t have to take up time you don’t have. Practicing how you speak to yourself in your head is also self-care. That’s because negative chatter running through your mind can be exhausting.
Coaching yourself, with practice, to judge yourself favorably and be more supportive of yourself can give you more energy to face a challenge. You may even feel better if you move toward self-compassion.
Four tips for implementing self-care and self-compassion
Implementing self-care and self-compassion into your daily routine is possible even for the busiest parents. Following are some suggestions for parents of children with PFD, based on my decades of working with clients.
Identify critical self-talk
Notice when negative thoughts or self-criticism circulate in your mind. With practice, transforming these thoughts into more positive, compassionate ones can significantly improve your mental well-being. “Are you criticizing yourself? Are you telling yourself ways you could have done it better or ways you’re failing?”
Self-critical thoughts are exhausting.
Tip: Try recognizing these moments so you can begin to gently guide your thoughts toward kindness and understanding instead.
Practice self-kindness
Treating yourself with kindness rather than judgment is a crucial step in practicing self-compassion. Self-kindness instead of self-judgment is not just a choice but a practice.
Acknowledge your efforts and remind yourself that doing your best is enough, especially on difficult days.
Tip: Try telling yourself: I’m doing the best I can. This is really tough right now. It’s not like you woke up in the morning and said, “I’m just gonna phone it in today.”
Connect with the shared human experience
Understanding you’re not alone in your challenges can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation. Under stress and pain, it’s normal to think you are the only one facing this challenge.
As difficult as your challenges may be, many others have experienced this before and even now. Remembering that others are navigating similar paths can foster a sense of belonging and community, which is crucial for mental resilience.
Tip: When you’re feeling alone, remember there is no challenge that others haven’t already overcome in the human experience.
Incorporate mindfulness into your routine
Mindfulness helps you stay present and engaged in the current moment without feeling overwhelmed by the future. By focusing on the present, you can manage stress more effectively and approach situations with a calmer, more balanced perspective.
Tip: Try focusing on the moment’s challenge without also predicting a future that will be even worse.
Everyday micro-nurturing practices for parents of children with PFD
None of these self-care tips will happen overnight. Shifting thoughts takes practice and, in many cases, coaching or therapy. But there are small, practical tips anyone can manage.
Micro-nurturing practices are small, simple moments that can help you shift your mood, improving your emotional and mental health. Here are some examples:
- Pay attention to breathing in and out: This simple act can help center your thoughts and calm your nervous system.
- Get outside: Just a few minutes outside, especially under the sun, can boost your vitamin D levels and improve your mood. Even short periods spent outdoors can have a rejuvenating effect.
- Listen to a favorite song or watch a funny short video: Both can get yourself out of your head and shift your mood.
- Text a friend:
Venting to a friend or simply sharing a difficult moment can ease some of the burden.
- Journal:: Journaling has been shown to offer numerous mental health benefits, including reducing stress and improving mood.
- Practice gratitude: Start your day by finding something small that makes you thankful.
- Mindfulness apps: Apps focusing on mindfulness and meditation can help you practice being present and reduce anxiety.
These activities can quickly yet effectively replenish your emotional reserves and reduce stress without much time or effort.
Self-care doesn’t need to be a luxury for when you have more time –– especially for parents navigating the complexities of raising a child with PFD. Adopting simple self-care practices that shift your thinking over time can help you fill your cup to have more energy to support your child.
Learning to Breathe
Published by Athena Flicek on Apr 10, 2024
I could feel my blood pressure rising. You might wonder if I was about to run a race or perform a medical miracle. All I was doing was sitting at the dining table for lunch with my 4-year-old son. Looking at his sweet face. My eyes staring back at me. All of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe. He had bitten off a large piece of chicken. I was waiting for him to struggle to manage it. It sent me into a familiar spiral, presenting me an image I had been confronted with since he was an infant. Him struggling in front of my very eyes. He did amazing, as usual. And in that moment I realized that I needed help.
No one had told me I needed help up to this point. They could see it but they remained silent. They saw me struggle to leave my bedroom or to wash my hair. I would tell them I hadn’t brushed my teeth in over a week, and honestly, if you know me (a child who had braces, an expander, a retainer, and lover of floss and white strips) this would be the most obvious scream for help. Yet nothing. Nobody knew what to say or what to do.
But today was different. Today I could feel my anxiety clawing to get ahold of my child. And I knew I had to get help. I was 39 when I searched for support. It took me a year to build up the courage to schedule an appointment. It was my 40th birthday present to myself. Speaking of birthday’s, let’s get back to a very important one: my son Ari’s.
I had a beautiful pregnancy. Then came the struggle. Over the first 48 hours I heard him constantly struggle to clear his amniotic fluid. I would freeze up. His dad would grab the suction and get it out. When they told us we could go home I had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. I felt like my son needed more testing or help.. I didn’t know what, but something felt off.
Over the next 18 months Ari would projective vomit across the room after every meal. He couldn’t sleep laying down. Every visit to his pediatrician’s office ended in tears. “It’s just spit up,” they said. Well, I knew that wasn’t true. My child’s body was violently refusing milk and certain foods. But here I was, trying to airplane an unwanted food into his mouth. At the end of one visit my son’s doctor casually said “You might want to try this local nonprofit, they might have some resources to help.”
I hurried home, went to their website, and all I could see was their beautiful orange “Get Help” button. I clicked on it seemingly 300 times. They had a simple 6 item feeding questionnaire to complete and be able to tell if your child might need help. If you answered affirmatively to 2 of the 6 it directs you to help. I answered affirmatively to all 6 and immediately started crying. My son Ari has pediatric feeding disorder. You might wonder what that is. It’s a child who isn’t eating in an age-appropriate manner. Ari also has EoE (eosinophilic esophagitis) and sensory processing disorder (PFD). He is curious, fast, a born performer, comically inclined and wants to build robots that he can accompany to space one day. I quit my job as an elementary school teacher to take him to therapy and help him find joy in food instead of fear.
It was the beginning of the end for many things for me: my marriage, my first career. But it was also the beginning of a new and amazing experiences.
Ironically, right before I started therapy, I saw a job posting from the same non-profit that I felt had saved me and my son. It was for someone to plan their annual pediatric feeding disorder educational conference. I didn’t tell anyone about it. And then I made it to the third round. I will never forget that phone call and subsequent job offer. They gave me a gift. A gift I will never be able to repay. Planning a pediatric feeding disorder conference for families and professionals is part of my therapy.
I feel like we are all given gifts. Ari was another one. He has taught me that his journey is not mine. I’m just a guide. My anxieties, should not be his. And my therapist likes to remind me I’m not a doctor, a mind reader or a fortune teller. I need those daily reminders. Therapy has taught me to avoid negative thoughts, be independent instead of co-dependent (and yes, this includes how we interact with our children), and to live in my calm, peaceful place.
I finally took my first deep breath two months ago. I could tell it was different. I am not a failure because I couldn’t feed my child. I am a success because of it.
Establishing a Self-Care Plan When Caring for a Child with Disabilities
Published by Dorothy Watson on May 04, 2023
This blog post was submitted by community member Dorothy Watson at mentalwellnesscenter.info. Interested in having your work on our blog? Learn more here.
Taking care of a child with disabilities can be incredibly rewarding, but it’s also incredibly challenging. The weight of responsibility and feeling of being overwhelmed can often lead to burnout for parents and caregivers. These individuals must make self-care an integral part of their plan to prevent burnout. This blog post will provide information and tips on how to create a sustainable self-care plan specifically designed for parents or caregivers of children with disabilities.
Learn To Recognize Triggers
The first step in creating an effective self-care plan is to identify triggers that cause stress, anxiety, or overwhelm. Identifying triggers allows individuals to recognize when they may be headed toward burnout and take steps to avoid it. For example, if going grocery shopping with your child causes high levels of stress, you can look for ways to make the experience easier or find alternatives such as ordering groceries online. Once you have identified your triggers, you can find ways to manage them proactively and prevent burnout from happening in the first place.
Assess Your Fatigue Levels
Caregivers should also become aware of their fatigue levels to create a successful self-care plan. When caring for someone who is on the autism spectrum, energy management becomes even more important as it can be easy to get burned out quickly due to constantly dealing with new challenges and trying different approaches.
Developing awareness around your energy levels will allow you to adjust your self-care plan accordingly when needed and create realistic expectations so that you don’t become overwhelmed by the tasks ahead of you. Sometimes, small changes like reducing clutter and spending more time in nature can be the boost that you need to get through the day. Both have been shown to reduce stress and life moods.
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Set A Few Personal Goals
Another important step in creating a sustainable self-care plan is setting realistic personal goals that are achievable within any given timeframe. Goals such as returning to school or finding a new job may seem out of reach at times, but utilizing tools like an online resume builder can be especially helpful in this process.
If you’re not sure where to get started, look for websites that allow you to choose a free professional template and add your own custom touches, such as an eye-catching font. If your goal is to start a business, look for help with forming an LLC for protection; a formation service can handle the paperwork so you can ensure your business receives all the tax benefits that come with it.
Utilize Self-Care Tactics
Once realistic goals have been established, utilizing various self-care strategies is crucial in avoiding burnout while taking care of someone with special needs. Try mindfulness practices like yoga or meditation, spending quality time with friends or family members, taking regular breaks throughout the day, getting enough sleep each night, and engaging in leisure activities that bring joy. These strategies allow individuals caring for someone who is on the autism spectrum time away from their responsibilities while still feeling capable and productive enough themselves.
Take Care of Your Body
When you care for someone else, it is easy to put your own needs lower on the priority list. But that is a big mistake. When you don’t care for your body, you actually become more tired and unmotivated. Instead, take steps to treat your body like it deserves to be treated. Fill your kitchen with healthy snacks, like fruits and nuts, that you can grab instead of something sugar-laden. And make an effort to park farther from your destinations so that you can get in a few more steps. You’ll find yourself feeling better physically and mentally more quickly than you might expect.
These practices will also help your little one to see what it looks like to be healthy. If you struggle getting your child to eat healthy foods, modeling is one great way to help change their perspective on those foods. You can also reach out to Feeding Matters, especially if you feel that your child may have pediatric feeding disorder. They have resources to help you help your child with their eating habits.
Ask For Help When You Need It
Although creating an effective self-care plan is essential when caring for a child with disabilities, it’s also important to seek professional assistance when needed so that burnout doesn’t take over entirely. There are counselors available both online and offline who specialize in helping individuals cope with life transitions associated with taking care of someone who has special needs. Additionally, there may be local support groups available where caregivers can come together and share stories and experiences, and this can help you figure out a care plan.
Consider Everyone’s Needs and Make a Plan
Creating an effective self-care plan as a caregiver for a child with disabilities can take some time, as you’ll need to constantly assess what works and what doesn’t. Consider keeping a journal that will help you vent your frustrations, and look for online resources that will assist with goals like starting an LLC or finding a new job. Try to be patient as you get started and know that once you begin to find strategies that work, the pieces will fall into place.
The views and opinions expressed in this blog post are solely those of the author who submitted it and do not necessarily reflect the views of Feeding Matters. We do not endorse any products or services mentioned in the post, and we are not responsible for any errors or omissions in the content. The information in this post is provided for educational and informational purposes only, and should not be considered as a substitute for professional advice.