As a mom of two, I experienced firsthand the profound impact of pediatric feeding disorder (PFD) on a family. When I learned about pediatric feeding disorder and Feeding Matters, my oldest daughter was five. We’d struggled most of her life to feed her, and I’d been begging clinicians to take me seriously. Receiving a diagnosis of gastroparesis and finding a community of support gave us a path forward.

But the journey to get there was fraught with uncertainty and paved by social and family pressure that made me feel like my child’s inability to eat normally was my fault.

These challenges are especially difficult postpartum. A new baby is supposed to do two things: sleep and eat. When your baby doesn’t do either, the amount of stress you experience is alarming. That, combined with postpartum hormones and exhaustion, creates fertile ground for postpartum anxiety (PPA) and postpartum depression (PPD).

In my decades of working as a clinical psychologist with a specialty in primary care, I’ve worked with many women experiencing PPA and PPD. It’s no surprise because numerous studies show medical trauma can contribute to PPD.

The correlation between pediatric feeding disorder and postpartum depression

Most parents of newborns who struggle to eat have never heard of pediatric feeding disorder. Because the ICD-10 code is new, many clinicians don’t diagnose it either. Babies who aren’t gaining enough weight can be labeled as “failure to thrive,” a vague catch-all diagnosis. Even that diagnosis takes time. Meanwhile, new parents feel at fault for their child’s struggle.

Babies who don’t eat well often don’t sleep well either. For me, this led to a bout with postpartum anxiety, a condition that’s not as well known as PPD. PPA is excessive worrying after having a baby that takes over your thoughts. Some anxiety after becoming a new parent is normal. When it disrupts your ability to function, it’s time to get help. Studies show that between 11% and 21% of new moms get PPA, so know that it’s normal and can be treated.

Experiencing this myself as a new mom of a child with PFD changed the way I understood my clients. As I navigated through my professional career, it became increasingly clear how having a child who doesn’t eat normally can precipitate a mental health crisis in parents, particularly in the vulnerable postpartum period.

PPD is characterized by persistent sadness and exhaustion so profound that it interferes with daily functioning. Unlike the transient “baby blues,” PPD is a deeper, more enduring state that demands attention and care.

PPD and PPA most commonly occur within six weeks after childbirth in about 6.5% to 20% of women, but it can occur at any point in the baby’s first year. Unlike the more common “baby blues,” PPD has a longer duration and is crippling. In many cases, PPD is triggered by a real or perceived trauma during delivery or postpartum, such as a difficult labor, a baby in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) or difficulty feeding a new baby.

The relentless pursuit of a solution for PFD, coupled with sleepless nights and the constant worry about your child’s health, is a breeding ground for depression. The depth of this correlation became apparent during my time working closely with families in primary care and OB settings. Parents grappling with their child’s feeding issues often expressed feelings of failure, guilt and isolation — emotions that make PPD more likely.

Recognizing the signs of PPD in the context of PFD

There are two cognitive distortions that are common among parents of children with medical trauma.

1. Emotional reasoning: The more strongly you feel in emotion, the more it convinces you the thought is true. For example, the more anxious or sad you feel, the more you become convinced that everything is your fault.

2. I should: This is where you tell yourself you should be doing better, your baby should be eating, you should be happy or you shouldn’t be sad.

Both cognitive distortions are valid human emotions, so to make yourself feel bad for having these feelings is not fair. These emotions make sense when your body or your child’s body is experiencing trauma. Your brain is doing what it should do, which is saying this doesn’t feel good.

When these feelings become constant and debilitating, this might be PPA or PPD. Symptoms may include:

• Persistent sadness

• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities

• Feelings of worthlessness and overwhelm

• Excessive worry about your child’s well-being

• Heart palpitations

• Crying spells

• Loss of appetite

• Trouble sleeping

• Sudden mood changes

• Lack of interest in or thoughts of hurting your baby

Many new parents feel this way occasionally. Feeling this way persistently likely means you’re dealing with more than just the stress of parenting. This recognition is the first step toward seeking help.

Coping mechanisms for parents of children with PFD

Navigating PFD and PPD takes time and requires support from others –– including getting professional help or joining support groups. Finding a supportive community, whether online or in-person, can alleviate isolation.

For parents facing PPD and PFD, seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy can offer a space to process emotions and develop coping strategies, while support groups provide a sense of community and understanding.

When your partner or loved one is struggling, allowing a safe space to vent without offering solutions can be the most important way to be supportive. Your loved one might just need to vent and have you validate those feelings.

Experiencing postpartum depression while parenting a child with pediatric feeding disorder exponentially complicates an already difficult journey. Knowing that so many others have a similar experience brings a small measure of healing.

Seek support from a licensed therapist in your area or over telehealth, practice self-compassion and connect with others at Feeding Matters who understand your struggle. You are not alone, and with the right support, you and your family can face these challenges.